Last Lap for Petrol and Diesel 

The government recently decided that the idea of strong horsepower will be abandoned on the shelf of a garage somewhere to collect cobwebs. This has to mean that the only way forward will have to be electricity.

Yes, this is the story that earlier this week, the environment experts have decided to call it a day, and put a ban on all petrol and diesel powered cars in the UK as of 2040.

This news may come as a surprise to some of you, however, the government have been against electric cars for some time now, simply because they feel that some of the earth’s polar bears are struggling to find space on the melting ice caps. Plus the added fact that the countries emissions boffins are beginning to think that car fumes may also be doing harm to the human body, which is not a thing we want to happen.

The fuel powered car as we know it has been around for centuries, and for some petrol heads, this news does come as a bit of a shock to the system, and the end of an era, as now car journalists have to get their pencil cases out again to think of new words to describe the way electric motors work, because I can tell you now – there isn’t any!

Let’s just break this news down piece by piece and see what we can get out of it. My first concern about this news is that although it is 23 years away from now, the news is still a little soon… I mean before the cars have to go, so does every single petrol station in the country, and they will have to be replaced with electric charging points… HOW MUCH WILL THAT COST???!!! I mean, are we *balls* deep already with a certain Brexit bill looming upon us? (* I did mean eye balls*)

Looking at the current main issue with electric cars at the moment has to be the range of them. If you were to take an electric car like the BMW i3 and charge its battery full, you would struggle to get it from my home in the Lakes to Manchester. Which does mean that you’re going to be stuck in the middle of nowhere to find that there are no charging points available. So in short, you’re buggered.

Charging your electric car is a little bit of a faff anyway. From one empty tank to fully charged on some electric cars can take anywhere from eight to 13 hours. So, unless you are near a soft play or shooting range, you’re not going to have anywhere to take your anger out on the matter of your empty tank.

My third issue with this sudden announcement is that all car manufacturers are going to have to really really think about loads of different electric car designs, because there isn’t actually that much variety with electric cars at the minute, otherwise everybody will be driving round in the Nissan LEAF… And that wouldn’t be very good at all.

Electric cars are also ugly and a little pricey, I’m fully aware you get just under £5000 back from the government, but there aren’t that many good-looking electric cars that are affordable for the average person. The only good looking, half non-expensive car you can buy is a Tesla Model S, but even still you’re looking at the best part of £60,000. Which is not cheap at all.

On the topic of electric cars that are not cheap, you may be reading this and realising that all the fast McLarens, Ferrari’s and Lamborghini’s that run from the stuff dug up in the ground that use petrol and diesel will also have to go, and there isn’t any equivalent electric cars that we would call sports cars… But is there?

The Rimac Concept One is an electric super car from the bottom up. Just don’t take it to the Swiss Alps and throw it from the side of a mountain like Richard Hammond did a few weeks ago, will you? Good.

This car can go from 0 to 100 KM/H in 2.5 seconds. That is serious power! It produces 1224HP and has a top speed of a million! (I made that last bit up…) Anyway, seriously good car, sadly it does have a price of a million pounds and only about eight or nine were made, so they have all been sold, but it is still nice to know that companies like Rimac are always thinking of ways to enhance this new chapter in the history of motoring.

Rimac
Rimac Concept One Pic – Jalopnik

Getting rid of petrol and diesel cars may not be a completely bad thing, as it does mean that the man who works at the scrap yard, no doubtingly called Eric, Steve or Bill can keep his job, since there seems to be a lot of cars that will need turning into Coca-Cola cans.
Also, this does give car reviewers and journalists to think new world on ways to describe the sound an electric engine makes, all the whirring and whining and clicking and ticking the car makes, is that a good noise? A bad noise? We don’t know yet and probably won’t know until more electric cars come from the production line.

I also am warming to the idea of more electric cars coming out anyway, because as we have seen they have the potential to be staggeringly quick and jaw dropping to look at as that Concept One does in the picture above. But, the government have only decided to hack petrol and diesel cars; not hybrids. If you’re wondering what a hybrid is, I’ll explain. A hybrid was the birth of the electric car, but manufacturers weren’t quite there yet, so the hybrid had a petrol engine, but an electric engine driving the wheels. A car like the Toyota Prius. Manufacturers then took this idea and went off to create raw, naked speed, and cars like the McLaren P1, Porsche 918 and La Ferrari put the idea to the ultimate test. So, those sorts of cars will still be around, and who knows, they may even take the petrol engine out and just fit them with an electric motor which will make it lighter, meaning it will easily be able to exceed speeds of up to 200MPH. So even those three cars could be reinvented as a whole new concept.

There are tracks right across the world that have been the beginning of the end. Le Mans, Spa, Silverstone and of course The Nurburgring. They have all hosted epic races through cars that have been powered through petrol and diesel, and I think that it is sad that they will have to stay where they are as time moves on, because come 2050, the races being held there won’t start to the typical roar that they used to, with people standing with their fingers in their ears, instead a gentle hum will allow you to start a book.

So, you may feel a little sad that the car as we know it has died, but think and look ahead because its offspring that inspired it will be a whole new page in all motoring magazines. The word “auto” will have a completely different meaning, cars will have a new feel, look and style.

And to be honest it’s all down to something that’s been here for much longer than the car. Classic, honest, brilliant, engineering.

Since we invented the car, I suppose it’s only right we kill it off and introduce it again.

Graduation? At Infant School?

I am, once again in typical Thomas style late with my homework this week. I sit here on a sunny Monday evening in the sun with a chilled glass of Orange juice in my garden. It’s very nice.

It has become apparent to me that I can’t lose my audience before I’ve even started after I publicly admitted my opinion on the punishment all caravaners. I did then promise myself that no more controversial writing would appear on my blog however, I have had to make a little bit of an exception as I’m writing this at last-minute, as I have been very busy, and I seem to have a refined talent in this. I’m also beginning to question if this is Thomas’ blog and not Thomas’ very strong opinions.

I mean, I say controversial, I just wanted to voice my opinion, and make you question if you feel the same…

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day, and he was telling me that an infant school down south of the country had a graduation for their pupils… Yes, you’re thinking… I say no… I’ll tell you why…

I don’t see the point in youngsters having a graduation ceremony? I mean they did the full whack too, cap, gown, certificate in a small roll with a thin layer of purple silk holding it together… Is that not a Uni thing?

So, this school are giving eight-year-old children a graduation ceremony, for finishing infant school? I mean, what do they have a degree in? Lego block building? I do just fail to see the point in it… Children now are put under immense pressure for a number of things; appearance, how they dress, but education is a big one. From the age of 10 to degree level. But, I want to specifically talk about infants. They are given assessments just before they go up to Primary school, and I just can’t understand why… When I left infant school, I was still discovering what the colour red was, but now you are expected to know why Newton’s cradle swings left before swinging right. It gets ridiculous, and I think it’s starting to get too ridiculous. I really don’t understand it anymore. SATs are another ramble…

I know do happen to know a very bright, smart, intelligent kid who is absolutely bricking it about his SATs, and obviously, he is looking for me to say that it will all be alright, and he will get on just fine, but I honestly don’t know anymore! It’s been nearly six years since I sat my SATs exams and you wouldn’t think so, but since then, they have changed more than the direction of the wind on a remote island in Northern Scotland. There simply is too much pressure, and I don’t think it’s really needed, children don’t use any and I mean any of the skills they picked up in Infant school, I’ve always just thought was somewhere to throw them while parents went to relieve their headache and stock up on Day and Night Nurse with Nurofen, where they then come up drugged up on the stuff complaining it was a hard day at work…

I was in a newly built restaurant the other day with my family, and I’m not going to tell a word of a lie, it was amazing. I found that there was only one problem… Since the staff were all in training; the waiters, waitresses, chefs and even manager. Don’t get me wrong they worked very long hours, tirelessly all night, however, they seemed to struggle with the aspects of a busy restaurant. Which gave me an idea of a pointer to look at on my blog when I made the list of ideas of things to talk about. I just thought that has to be down to the education system. Hold off on that complaint please, give me time.

Nowadays, we are not educated about how a working world will work, believe me, I’ve experienced it. I found that on my very first work experience placement with a newspaper was completely different to what I had been taught with desks, tables and a pencil sharpener. It’s the real working world, and if something goes wrong, you can use TipEx to get rid of it, you have to correct it… On your own. And my point is, we are just not taught this anymore. Maybe if we left the top speed of the Harrier Jump Jet till later and just learned how to use a knife and fork, the world wouldn’t be in the horrific mess it’s in now… Although saying that, they would probably find something else…

That’s all I have time for this week, but you’ll be pleased to know that next week has almost been written as it should be a good one!

I don’t want to give too much away, but I’ve been working with a newspaper group and would like to share my experiences with you about it. So, look out for the blog titled ‘From Blogger to Print Writer’, there’s a sneak peak for you… You’ll have to wait until next week to find out more. See you then, thank you very much for reading.

Take care,

Thomas

iPerform – Comedy Night

I’m extremely late with my homework this week, and when I say homework I don’t mean the 1400 word essay, I’ve got to write before I start back at Sixth Form. I mean I sit here writing this blog the day before it’s due. So, we’re all about to find out (me included) exactly how good a writer I am when put on the spot.

I mean usually, I write the blog for the following week on Tuesday the one before it goes out. This gives me exactly a week to ponder over is that word funny enough, can that sentence be made to look better, and I do that until about Saturday until I decide I’m happy with it. Today though? Well, I’ve got till lunchtime. If you’re wondering why I’m so late with this week’s blog post, it’s because I have been REALLY busy this week too. If you’ve guessed from the title. Yes. I’m doing iPerform at my school; the day this blog actually goes out! So I thought I could sit and tell you all about it, as it ticks the box for a blog this week, and gives iPerform a little boost for an audience…

So, what is iPerform? Well, it’s a week long concert that Keswick School holds every year, and each night there is a different theme to share the talent that Keswick School possesses. Monday would be Dance and Drama Night. Tuesday would be Comedy Night. Wednesday would be Choir Night and Thursday would be Band Night, here all the school’s bands would come together, perform and have a great night. Typically, the Friday is the best day of the week, because the whole school joins as one, and makes a music video with and singers lip sync the words of a few songs while walking backwards around the school to show what Keswick offers. It’s a great week that everybody looks forwards to.

This year’s iPerform is almost upon us, now for the audiences, iPerform is a great week. For the performers, iPerform is challenging and stressy. Simply because although it’s only a laugh, you want to get it right, you want to impress your audience. Which is why this weeks blog post is delayed, I’ve been rehearsing scripts for the night I’ll be a performer. Comedy Night. Now, people who don’t know me, won’t know that I’m not actually funny in any sense or form what so ever. However, I love to perform and have previously been told I’m rather good at it (me stroking my inner ego), that when given a funny script, people decide that I am, naturally, a very funny person. Which is great!

I don’t really intend for this to be a long blog as I have to cut it short so that I can go and learn my lines for the sketches I will be doing tomorrow night (tonight for you when you’re reading this/if you’re reading this on the day it’s released). I will be performing three sketches tomorrow night, a sketch from one of my favourite actors, Rowan Atkinson, a funny sketch about comedy and how to deliver comedy, and a scene from, what I think is the modern day Monty Pythons, the cast of The Sketch Show.

Sadly, that is all I have time to write this week, it was just a very short blog, however, I am extremely busy. So, if you have nothing to do this evening, and are in the Lake District, come along to Keswick School’s iPerform Comedy Night, for a great night of laughs. Starts at 7 pm.

Thank you very much for reading, I’ll be back next week with hopefully a slightly longer blog. I will be doing something very exciting which I hope to share with you.

Until next week, BYE!

Thomas

“Come on, Dithers!”

I happen to have a really close friend, who has lived on a working farm all her life, and very kindly on some occasions I am invited over to help out.

Well, I say help out, what I really meant to say was get in the way…

This is me… Getting in the way…
The first time I went over to see what all this farming malarkey was all about was in the Winter, so as you can imagine, it wasn’t warm at all.

However, I didn’t do too much complaining, packed 1400 layers of warm clothing, a hat and some gloves and set out into the unknown. My alarm woke me up on a cold and brisk Saturday morning; which was very early for me. From what I’m told this is “normal time” for a farmer. I hurled myself into the back of a trailer led by a quad bike where, before my little toe had the chance to have any form of contact with the wet, wooden floor of the trailer, I was propelled backwards as the bike shot off like a rocket. I did actually expect the bike with a trailer; along with two, more or less fully grown humans in the back to have the get-up and go of Jabba The Hut… I could not have been more wrong.

We eventually arrived at the place, where I was told to throw some food to some cows. Battling through the constant sharp bite from the howling wind, I thought that, even with gloves on, I would have to re-attach my fingers to my hands using a ‘Pritt-Stick’, it did, however, die down and my blood circulation was finally allowed to re-emerge from its hiding place and heat me up again.

Once the cows had been fed and watered, I was told that “morning checks” had to be done to all the rest of the farm animals to make sure that they are okay. I did find this extremely interesting, as my internal organs were turned inside out once more on the quad ride of a lifetime (which I very much enjoyed by the way) I got to see exactly how big this farm is. Now it’s not exactly Australia’s Northern Territory, but for the Lake District, and from someone who has never really seen a working farm before, I was stunned by the scale of it all, along with the epic views that come with it.

I should also mention before I go on, that it’s not just a working farm, its also a B&B. I’d have to say, I think that it is one of the best B&B’s I’ve ever stayed in too. The location is sublime, the smell of a freshly cooked breakfast every morning is amazing, the hospitality goes without fault and you just get the impression and atmosphere that your hosts work tirelessly to make sure that your stay is a great one. I think that my one memory of staying here and getting up at the crack of dawn is being able to open my bedroom curtains and get this jaw-dropping view…..

Amalfi? South of France? Italian Lakes? Pah.
I have since been back to the farm, to what I would like to say is help out, but really it was just to get in the way again. However, it did not spoil the fun I had herding sheep, going mind-bogglingly fast on a quad bike, shearing a sheep and even sticking my hand up a sheep’s front bottom. (By this I do mean lamb a sheep). It is one of the best experiences I think I have ever had the privilege to say that I got to take part in… The shearing the sheep part, not the… anyway…

Some of you may be wondering why the title of this week’s blog has a foreign word in it like, “Dithers”, now I’ve used the word partly because I think that it is a superb word, and partly because all I really did was “dither” about. It’s hard work this farming malarkey.

I even struggled to switch a light on… Now that was something I didn’t expect to find even remotely difficult. In all respect, it was a fairly tough light switch.

Seriously though, for a short time, I only started answering to “Dithers” rather than “Thomas”, I mean I usually answer to nouns much more strongly than that, but it was soo difficult to get everything right, I was exhausted by the end of it. And some people think it’s tiring doing three minutes of ‘Charlotte’s Quick Exercise’, try farming in the very early hours of a Saturday morning.

If your still a little in the dark about some of the work that I have (tried to) help out with, then to understand, you need to scroll up to the picture of me in a big bag thing. It may seem like I was messing about, however, this is apparently a really good technique for squashing and squishing all the wool that has been sheared off from the sheep. It was my job to compact it all together.

(Which is actually a very good job to have)

Once you have been like a fat man in MacDonalds, and fit in as much as possible, the big bags are stitched up and thrown on a big pile. Well, obviously, I had to show my strength and help lift it. (Which was safe if your reading this and are a Health and Safety boffin). However, I felt as if I was carrying one of London Routemaster’s, I nearly collapsed! I couldn’t get over how heavy it was, I don’t think hairdressers nowadays have to carry all your hair along with everybody else’s that day and leave it outside in a large white bag to be sold into a rug that may eventually appear on ‘Antique’s Roadshow’. NO! They bloody well don’t, so carrying this enormous bag of sheep wool, felt to me like carrying a mountain.

All in all, though, I thoroughly enjoyed my time at Mosedale End Farm, so I would just like to say a HUGE thank you to JoAnne and Andrew for giving me an amazing experience. As I did say, it is a B&B as well as a farm, so as a thank you, here is a massive plug!

If you would like to stay in a quiet, remote location in a tiny, yet staggering part of Lakeland, then Mosedale is the place to visit! For more information please visit http://www.mosedaleendfarm.co.uk I promise you it is an amazing location for a short break. It’s Baarilliant!

That’s all from me for this week,

Thank you very much for reading,

Thomas

*No sheep or farm animals were harmed in the making of this blog, just Thomas’ bottom when he fell over in the back of a trailer*

Caravans. Road Works. What is The World Coming To? 

If you have just read the title of this, and noticed what day your reading it. Then you are right, I want a rant again. And no, it’s not Tuesday.

This will be one of posts I make that don’t come out on a Tuesday, as my usual blog posts do. Instead, this is one of my occasional blogs where I get to rant on a topic I choose… It’s the best part of working for myself I suppose… 

Caravans. On the roads they are a menace. Even when you are stuck behind one, on your very nice Summer Sunday drive, it takes you an entire season to pass them. I hate them. I think that the man who came up with the idea should be buried alive in one, and at the same time stoned to death. I just can’t seem to get my head around them or the point of them? It’s like tenting, I don’t really see the point in that either?

If I turned up to my hotel; which by the way is the place you are supposed to stay in, and they asked me to build my room, I’d tell them to sling their hook! You’re on holiday for goodness sake, not a construction site.

I don’t intend on this being a long blog, as it is not my main one, I just thought that while I’m off school I could maybe let off a little steam, by having a rant about the things that irritate me, to you the reader. (That is providing you haven’t changed tabs over to Piers Morgan’s Sunday Mirror column). I mean honestly, I could write loads on him!

So, where was I? Ah yes. I just can’t seem to understand why people like to take to the roads with a large and stupid box behind them, which they treat as a small home and camp in a muddy field on the side of a mountain for a week. When you can drive to the same location without the box like thing trailing behind you, park in a car park made of tarmac, check into a hotel where the bed, television and a lavatory has already been placed for you. I can’t get my head around that?

Second rant of my list of things to rant about are road works. Now bare with me on this, because I also don’t understand why in the evening when everybody has gone home and, your driving on a dual carriageway with one lane closed, that you have to stick to an average 50MPH to “protect the workforce” which are never there. And I mean never! What do they actually get up to for a whole day? They are given a job to close a road to annoy some drivers for a month then go again, leaving the surface of the road mostly the same? They may have changed a drain cover, but as far as I’m concerned, that’s mainly it. If you do work for the highways agency and would like to voice your opinion on this then please do write in using the contacts page, title your message with “I don’t do anything all day everyday” and I’ll know what the message is about.

That’s it from me for now, as I said this wasn’t intended to be a long post, just gives me something to do really. Don’t forget to check back on Tuesday at around 10AM GMT for my main blog post on a recent experience I got chance to do…

See you soon,

Thomas

LOCKED – PASSWORD NEEDED…

Now, it’s week two of my blog. I wanted to write about something really special since last week was only an introduction. I’ve been planning all week and had a great idea. I’ve just come to write it, and I can’t because as you can see, I’ve locked myself out of the title thingy of my blog as I have forgotten my password. It then clicked that this can be this weeks post. So, I’m now going to explain why this blog will be an untitled one…

Passwords… I hate them… Nowadays you can’t log into any form of social media, bank account or hotel booking form without the damn thing saying “Incorrect Password, Try Again”. I think we all want to throw our device out of the window at that precise moment. Now, I don’t want you lot writing in the comments that “passwords are the only way to keep our accounts safe”, I understand that a man with an odd sounding name from a strange location may try and get into your M&S shopping account. But other than that, I don’t see the point in them! Funnily enough, I was talking to my Mum the other night, as she was paying the bills as we all do online. She enters her password. I just thought to myself, now that must be a very sad hacker if he wants to log into our account and pay last months electricity bill…

I do want to ask your advice and opinion on this matter. I was logging into my Apple ID account, just this morning, and a little message flashed up telling me my password was too easy to guess. How is anybody ever going to guess that my password is BigBen09? (Did I say that out loud?)…

Staying on the topic of Apple, they announced last year that they were going to compete with Google and make a car, if you don’t know me then you should know, I am a huge lover of cars! Now, I did a little bit of digging on this story, and came to realise how is this car ever going to work? You will start by sitting in the driver’s seat, where you won’t be able to fasten your seat belt because it’s locked with a password, then the engine won’t start. You will then have to ring them up, to where you will find they will answer the telephone immediately, with “you’re holding it wrong”, where you will be forced to answer a questionnaire over the phone, preposterous security questions are introduced such as “what’s your mother’s maiden name?”, “did she like boiled eggs done for three minutes?”, “how many Coco-Pops do you have in your cereal bowl in the morning?” The questions simply go on and on and on. Eventually, you remember your Great Aunts favourite kind of Chocolate Hob Nob and are allowed to fasten your seatbelt. You then get a notification from Apple saying that your car is actually electric, and has run out of charge because you forgot to switch on “Do Not Disturb” overnight.

Passwords were designed to frustrate us, I think eventually you won’t be allowed to be cremated until you have set up an account with a 12 figure strong password before hand. I can’t imagine how ridiculous they will become in say 10 years time when technology advances at the rate that it seems to be today.

Going back to my point of passwords being as useless as Piers Morgan, you will be sooner or later asked to type in a “recovery email address”, to which you remember and a small smile creeps into the side of your mouth until your final step is to enter your password for this address… I think there are two very different pathways people go down when they realise they have got to the square root of Jack over this monumental cock up and a waste of time.

Person one will let out a light high pitch squeal, and probably snap their KitKat in half.

Person two will pronounce a specific word that we all know starts with the same letter, with the same amount of syllables… I’d never say anything like that…

Now, if you excuse me I have to go and reset the answer on my questionnaire as to what my favourite toy was as a child…

Bye,

Thomas

 

LOCKED…PLEASE TRY AGAIN

“Oh for…..”